


I’m Gonna Get on My Knees, Would You Kick Me in the Face Please?

by kitsunechikyu



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Basically a look into Theo's Psyche, Deals a lot with the aftermath of living with the Dread Doctors, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Experimentation, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Torture, Living Together, M/M, Nightmares, Past Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Stockholm Syndrome, Theo Needs a Hug, Touch-Starved, and so does Liam
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-25
Updated: 2017-10-02
Packaged: 2019-01-05 06:40:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12184887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitsunechikyu/pseuds/kitsunechikyu
Summary: "If someone had asked Theo to pinpoint the exact moment he’d started to care about Liam Dunbar, he would have come up empty handed. Theo wasn’t good with feelings – having a bunch of evil doctors as parents didn’t leave much room for emotional connection – and trying to decipher their intricacies seemed like a waste of time in his books. He knew how to fake them, knew the corresponding physical characteristics to each one and how to use them appropriately. He could cry on command, laugh when it was expected, and get angry when it was necessary, and that was usually enough to carry him through basic conversations, so why bother trying to understand them? It used to be fine like that. Theo used to be okay with that, until Liam came along and fucked up his whole system."Or; Theo is learning how to be human again and is feeling a lot more than he's used to, especially when it comes to Liam.(Canon compliant up until 6x16, and then weaves in and out of it. Deals a lot with past trauma.)





	1. I’d Sleep Better on Your Floor, Then I Would Ever in My Bed

**Author's Note:**

> The fic/chapter titles are all lyrics from The Front Bottoms songs.

If someone had asked Theo to pinpoint the exact moment he’d started to care about Liam Dunbar, he would have come up empty handed. Theo wasn’t good with feelings – having a bunch of evil doctors as parents didn’t leave much room for emotional connection – and trying to decipher their intricacies seemed like a waste of time in his books. He knew how to fake them, knew the corresponding physical characteristics to each one and how to use them appropriately. He could cry on command, laugh when it was expected, and get angry when it was necessary, and that was usually enough to carry him through basic conversations, so why bother trying to understand them? It used to be fine like that. Theo used to be _okay_ with that, until Liam came along and fucked up his whole system.

 

A year ago, Scott’s beta had been nothing more than a pawn to use for personal gain, a means to an end that never panned out, but now he seemed to be the only thing Theo could focus on. It was infuriating. Everything about him was distracting. The way he walked, the way he talked, his little bursts of anger and that stupid smirk he got on his face when he knew he was right; all of it perpetually took up space in Theo’s mind. Maybe it had started after hell, or maybe a bit before that, but either way it had happened, and now it wouldn’t stop.

 

Theo found himself worrying about Liam’s well-being on a daily basis. His control issues were spiralling downward at an alarming rate and Theo kept getting the urge to help him, even if it meant his own neck was on the chopping block. When Liam had asked him to come along to the abandoned zoo, he’d barely thought about it before he’d agreed. In fact, Theo had practically jumped at the opportunity to spend time with him. It had resulted in chasing the idiot around a hunter-infested death trap all day long, and then carrying him up a hill when it’d gone south, but Theo wasn’t too bitter about it. He’d got to see Liam hulk out, which probably wasn’t a good sign, but it had been satisfying none the less. Besides, he’d stopped him before he had done any real damage. He was going soft, and he knew it, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself.

 

Even now, as he watched Liam fidget in his seat, Theo felt that annoying tug of concern in his gut. The beta had been antsy ever since they’d left the zoo, constantly playing with his sleeves or running a shaky hand through his hair. There was obviously something about the place that had thrown the him off, but Theo couldn’t figure out what and Liam hadn’t exactly been forthcoming when he’d asked. Pushing it now when they were both tired and sore didn’t seem like a good idea, so Theo decided to leave it, (but he made sure to save his observations for later).

 

They were supposed to be heading back to Scott’s house to regroup and plan their next move. Apparently, Gerard had been one step ahead of them at the warehouse and had nearly succeeded in suffocating Scott and Malia, as well as taking all the weapons they’d been after. Theo was surprised to find that he was a little relieved they hadn’t died, but he chalked it up to hunger and lack of sleep. God, he really needed a nap. Beside him, Liam stirred again.

 

Theo sighed, his eyes sliding over to the passenger seat. The beta’s shoulders were hunched forward and he was glaring at the road ahead of them as if he could somehow make the car move faster that way. He was pale and obviously exhausted and his eyes were clouded with pain from still healing wounds. Theo gripped the steering wheel tighter. He made a split-second decision and turned the car in a different direction.

 

“Where are you going?” Liam snapped. “Scott’s house is that way.”

 

“I’m taking you home,” Theo said.

 

Liam jerked back, his expression changing quickly from grogginess to anger. He crossed his arms over his chest.

 

“What? Why?”

 

“Because it’s late and you probably have a concussion from being knocked out so many times.”

 

“I’m fine.”

 

Theo raised his eyebrows in disbelief.

 

“Really? Cause from here it looks like you are two seconds from passing out. Besides you stink of fear and pain and it’s driving me nuts. You need to go home and sleep.”

 

“I stink?” Liam growled. “Are you kidding me? Have you smelt this car? It reeks of sweat and fast food and shitty air-fresheners. It’s like you live in this damn thing.”

 

Theo’s heart stuttered. He hadn’t explicitly told the McCall pack where he’d been living, partially because he knew none of them really cared, and partially because he was too embarrassed to tell the truth. He figured they knew, though. It’s not like Theo would have anywhere else to go. He had spent almost his entire life living underground with the Dread Doctors and they were the only kind of family he could truly remember. Theo had briefly considered going back to one of their old labs, but the thought of seeing all the machinery and vials again made his stomach twist, so he’d opted for the truck instead. At least his car had heating.

 

The silence that followed must have given Theo away, because a look of realization suddenly dawned on Liam’s face.

 

“Wait, have you- are you living here?” he asked.

 

Theo was almost sure he heard a twinge of pity in the question, and that was not what he wanted right now. He bit his cheek hard enough to draw blood.

 

“Does it matter?” he asked.

 

Liam bristled, his scent rolling with a plethora of contradictory emotions. His eyebrows pinched together in what might have been worry, but Theo tried not to get his hopes up.

“Why didn’t you say something?”

 

Theo laughed cruelly.

 

“Seriously, Liam? The pack’s reactions to me range from indifference to full blown hatred. You really think they’d give a shit where I was living?”

 

“You manipulated us into trusting you and then killed our alpha. There’s a reason they don’t like you,” Liam said.

 

Theo closed his eyes, the fight draining out of him. He knew he’d screwed up and he also knew he couldn’t fix it. That’s why he hadn’t called Scott, and why he hadn’t bothered asking anyone for a place to stay, because he knew it was pointless. Theo had never thought he was the remorseful type, but lately it was like he couldn’t understand his own psyche. He’d cried more in the last few months than he had in the last decade and that alone was disconcerting enough. He didn’t need Liam pointing out his flaws every other minute to make him feel like crap, he was managing that fine by himself.

 

“I know,” Theo said. “Look, just drop it okay. I’m taking you home, and if you really want to go to Scott’s so badly, you can walk.”

 

Liam stared at him for a long moment, before slouching down in his seat and sighing.

 

“Fine,” he grumbled.

 

 

* * *

 

 

By the time they pulled into Liam’s drive way, Theo was struggling to keep his eyes open. He hadn’t slept properly in months. Regular bouts of nightmares and pesky police officers kept him from getting more than six hours on most nights, and even if he managed to find somewhere that wasn’t crawling with law enforcement, the wind and the loneliness did a good job of standing in for them. Theo couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a bed. He’d slept in a cot with the Dread Doctors – or on the floor when he was in trouble – so the back seat of his truck was kind of an upgrade. It still wasn’t very comfortable, though.

 

Liam’s house was big and dark against the street lights. It was a newer building, with a nicely trimmed yard and two fancy cars parked out front. Theo had to swallow the jealousy that crawled up his throat as he surveyed the property. It must be nice to have a house like that. Liam’s family probably never had to worry about money. He wondered what that was like.

 

Liam unbuckled his seatbelt and slipped out of the car. Theo expected him to leave without saying anything – maybe offer up a nod or a grunt if he wasn’t too pissed– but the beta didn’t move to close the door. He just stood awkwardly with a hand on his neck and his lips pursed. Theo raised a brow in question.

 

“What?”

           

Liam shifted from one foot to the other anxiously. He smelled… embarrassed?

 

“Did you, uh- did you wanna come in?” he asked, quietly.

 

Theo blinked. Had he been dropped into the Twilight Zone, or was Liam really asking him to hang out? The part of Theo that was empty and longing for some form of human connection, wanted to comply immediately, but the other part of him – the wary, agitated one that screamed that he couldn’t trust people – wanted to run for the hills. Theo liked Liam, more than he wanted to admit, but that didn’t mean he felt the same way.

 

“Uh, look, Liam,” Theo said. “No offence, but I’m kind of tired and I still have to find a place to park for the night.”

 

There was no sense in lying about his situation. Liam had found him out, might as well be honest.

 

“Which is gonna be a lot harder to do now that everyone wants to kill us,” he continued.  “I’m probably not going to get much sleep as it is so I’d rather not get shot at as we-”

 

“You could sleep with me,” Liam cut him off. “Or- I mean, not with me, but like in my room. On my floor. We have a blow-up mattress.”

 

The beta’s face got progressively redder as the sentence went on and by the end of it he looked a bit like a flustered tomato. Theo would have laughed at him, if he weren’t so shell-shocked.

 

“You want me to stay with you?” he asked, incredulously.

 

Liam looked down at the ground and shrugged.

 

“I mean, we can’t have you dying on us, not when we need all the help we can get and… it beats sleeping in your car, right?”

 

Theo smiled a little.

 

“You aren’t worried I’ll kill you in the middle of the night?” he asked dryly.

 

Liam snorted and finally glanced up at the other boy.

 

“That depends. Are you going to try?”

 

Theo shook his head and fiddled with his hands, unsure of what to do. Liam’s offer was definitely appealing, and the thought of sleeping somewhere warm and safe for once made Theo’s whole body ache with longing. Was there a catch to this? There almost always was in his experience. Theo didn’t have a whole lot to give in the first place, but whatever it was, he hoped it didn’t require any more moving. He was officially done with that for the day.

 

“You sure you want me in your house? What about your parents?” he asked.

 

Liam rolled his eyes and huffed out a breath.

 

“I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t sure, asshole. And I’ll tell them you’re a friend from school or something. They’ll probably be happy that I talk to someone other than Mason.”

 

Theo laughed at how bitter Liam sounded about the last part.

 

“Okay, okay. Fine, I’m coming.”

 

* * *

 

 

Liam’s bedroom was larger than Theo imagined, but also far barer. Where most teenagers had posters hanging on the walls, Liam had almost nothing, save a few pictures that were pinned above his desk. There were shelves filled with books and trophies, a video game console next to a stack of shooter-games, but other than that there was very little that could be considered personal. It was strange. There was however, a lot of clothes on the floor. _Good to know I’m not the only one who’s messy,_ Theo thought.

 

He watched from the doorway as Liam scrambled around, shoving various sweatshirts into drawers and hiding towels under the bed. Eventually, the beta cleared a decent amount of space and pulled a blow-up mattress out of his closet. It took the two boys another twenty minutes to set the damn thing up – mostly because Liam was too stubborn to just use his mouth to inflate it and insisted on trying to find a pump – but they managed to get it done without maiming each other.

 

“Here,” Liam huffed, throwing a blanket at Theo’s face.

 

The chimera caught it with ease, and smirked when Liam shot him an annoyed glare.

 

“The bathroom is down the hall,” he said. “Try not to wake my parents up if you need to go. My dad’s on call at the hospital and needs all the sleep he can get.”

 

Theo hummed his acknowledgement and began stripping down to his boxers, desperate to get out of his bloody clothes. He heard Liam squawk behind him.

 

“What are you doing?” he asked, his voice tight.

           

Theo blinked at him.

 

“Changing? Is that alright with you?”

 

Liam wasn’t looking him, his gaze hyper focused on a soccer medal hanging off one of the dressers. He nodded his head rapidly.

 

“Yeah, yeah, sure. Just, give a guy a warning next time,” he said.

 

Theo grinned and turned to face the other boy.

 

"Are you embarrassed? Why? Do you like what you see?” he teased.

 

Liam choked and took a step backward, effectively banging his hip into his desk. He swore under his breath.

 

“Don’t flatter yourself Raeken,” he said, flatly.

 

Theo held up his hands in mock apology and tugged a shirt he’d grabbed from his car over his head. He saw Liam track the movement in his peripheral vision.

 

“There. Better now?” he asked.

 

Liam rolled eyes.

 

“Goodnight, Theo.”

 

“What, are you not gonna get changed too?”

 

“ _Goodnight_ , Theo.”

 

“Okay, okay. Geez.”

 

Theo crawled onto the blow-up mattress and rolled over onto his side. Despite his jokes, he was still uneasy about the whole situation. It felt weird, laying in Liam’s room, acting like they were almost friends. It was nice, but it left a bittersweet taste in Theo’s mouth. _This is only for one night,_ he reminded himself. _You don’t get to have this. This isn’t your life._ Theo sighed and closed his eyes, wrapping the blanket Liam had given him around his shoulders. It was warm and smelled like mint and shampoo. Theo subconsciously nuzzled his face further into it.

 

Beside him, he heard the bed creak as Liam moved to turn off the lights. It only took a few seconds for Theo’s weariness to catch up with him and he found himself sinking into sleep quicker than he had in a very long time.


	2. It’s No Big Surprise You Turned Out This Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He had been taught to lock down his feelings, had been told they were a distraction and a weakness that would betray him. He’d had them beaten out of him, both figuratively and literally, until it was like they barely existed. Loving people, worrying about them, meant pain; a kind far worse than any type of physical trauma. Theo could deal with being cut open and burned and electrocuted, but the emotional distress that came from caring? It was overwhelming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey hey. So, I don't actually know canonically when Liam was put on meds, but in this fic it was pre-Devenford, just for the sake of continuity with the whole Brett mess in 6x16. I hope you guys enjoy the chapter!

Theo woke to the sound of growling. For a terrible moment, when he first opened his eyes, he forgot where he was and nearly gagged on the wave of panic that washed over him. Images of hospitals and bloody organs flashed in the corners of his mind, freezing him to the spot. He’d been in this situation a thousand times before, caught somewhere between a bad dream and reality, but it never got easier. His hand flew to his chest, searching for a steady beat to ground him in the present. Theo could have cried with relief when he felt the tell-tail thump of a working heart beneath his fingers. He sighed and dragged a shaky hand through his sleep-mussed hair. He had to stop getting worked up so easily.

 

Slowly, his eyes began to adjust to the dark, and he took in his surroundings. The night before came rushing back and Theo felt himself smile a little at the memory of a flustered Liam, banging into furniture and attempting to look unaffected. He’d have to try and make him look that way more often.

 

Beside him another growl erupted and Theo felt his fangs poke through his gums involuntarily. He moved forward and tried to focus his hearing, claws sliding out in preparation for a fight. The noise seemed to be coming from the direction of Liam’s bed and upon closer inspection Theo realised that the beta’s sheets were ripped in multiple places. Theo’s pulse pounded in his ears, anticipation making his hackles rise. He crept closer to Liam’s sleeping form, eyes scanning for damage or any sign of intrusion, but he found nothing. No blood, no glowing orbs hiding in the dark, just an empty room and an unconscious werewolf with a frantic heartbeat. Theo retracted his claws as he started to understand what was happening. Below him, Liam twisted and let out a strangled half-growl, half-whimper. His nails dug and caught in the mattress as he struggled through a nightmare.

 

Theo stood at the end of the bed weighing his options. He could wake Liam up, that was probably the right thing to do. Theo had enough experience with night terrors to know how awful they were, but he also knew that when he came out of one, he was highly vulnerable and he wasn’t sure he was equipped to deal with the beta in that state. He could also leave him alone and hope that he would snap out of it by himself. That’s what the old Theo would have done.

 

 _No, the old Theo would have knocked the poor kid out for making too much noise,_ a little voice in the back of his head said.

 

He wasn’t that person anymore, though. Things were different; _he_ was different. He cared now, especially about Liam, even if he would rather die than admit it out loud. Theo bit his lip and decided to just go for it. He gingerly placed a hand on the sleeping boy’s shoulder and shook it lightly.

 

“Dunbar,” he whispered.

 

Liam let out another heart wrenching sound and shuddered further into the covers. Theo pressed down a little harder.

 

“Liam, wake up.”

 

No change.

 

“ _Liam._ ”

 

The beta’s eyes shot open, irises gold and alive with fear. He snarled and Theo barely had time to move out of the way before a clawed hand was swiping at his face. He caught Liam by the wrist and shoved his arm back onto the mattress.

 

“Liam,” he rasped, desperately trying to get the squirming werewolf under control. “Snap out of it.”

 

Liam scent spiked with terror and hysteria, and he started to kick. One of his feet landed a hard blow to Theo’s side, causing him to keel over. The chimera grunted in frustration. He didn’t want to have to hurt Liam again, not when he was laying half naked in his bed, scared out of his mind, but he was running out of choices. In a last-ditch attempt to avoid giving him yet another concussion, he swung a leg over Liam’s torso and pinned both of the wolf’s arms above his head, cutting off his range of movement. Theo let his own eyes burn gold and leaned into the other boy’s personal space.

 

“Liam,” he growled.

 

At first, it seemed like it wasn’t going to work, but then slowly – agonisingly – Liam’s breathing started to calm and his fangs began to recede. He blinked up at Theo, his face flushed and wet with tears. He looked like a goddamn lost puppy.

 

“Theo?” he said, voice cracking.

 

He stared up at the chimera for a few seconds before realizing their compromising position. Liam’s face quickly switched from confusion to anger.

 

“Dude, what the hell?” he said, trying to dislodge himself from Theo’s grip.

 

“If I let go are you gonna try to hit me again?” Theo asked, calmly.

 

“If you don’t get off me, I’ll do more than just hit you.”

 

Theo snorted, but cautiously released his hold on Liam’s arms. The beta shoved him to the side, and rushed to the opposite corner of the room, leaving Theo sprawling awkwardly on the bed. He watched Liam scrub at his face with his hands, clearly trying to be discreet in wiping away the remnants of the nightmare. It was a valiant effort, but his shoulders still trembled slightly and Theo could see the sweat collecting at the base of his neck.

 

“What happened to not killing me in my sleep?” he asked, gruffly.

 

It took Theo a second to realize he wasn’t joking. The chimera scoffed in disbelief.

 

“I wasn’t trying to kill you, jackass. I was trying to help you.”

 

Liam rounded on him, features pinched in fury.

 

“By straddling me and holding me down?”

 

Theo felt his face get hot and his brain go fuzzy. Oh god, was he... blushing? Is that what that felt like? Abort. Abort. Go back to something he understood. Go back to anger or hate or even self-disgust. Those he could grasp, those he was familiar with.

 

“You were having a nightmare,” he hissed, turning his head to hide the flush creeping up his neck. “And you woke me up. I tried being nice but you nearly took my eye out with your claws.”

 

Liam stormed closer, stopping only a few inches away from where Theo was now perched on the edge of the mattress.

 

“So, you had to _straddle_ me?” he said, again.

 

“Would you rather I had knocked you out like before? Because that can still be arranged,” Theo growled back. “I was just trying to help.”

 

“I don’t need your help.”

 

“Really? Because the way I remember it, you were the one who asked me to go with you to the zoo and I said yes. I didn’t have to come. I could have left you alone to kill that kid.”

 

Liam visibly flinched. Guilt and frustration clouded his eyes and Theo found himself regretting opening his mouth. He always did this. He always made things worse. Liam turned away from him with his fists clenched.

 

“Why did you come, then?” he whispered.

 

 _Because I care about you, idiot,_ Theo thought. He cared so much that it had started to physically hurt. Whenever Liam wound up running head first into trouble, Theo’s chest constricted with anxiety and possessiveness and his head became muddled with emotions that got in the way of his rational thinking. It scared him shitless, being powerless like that.

 

He had been taught to lock down his feelings, had been told they were a distraction and a weakness that would betray him. He’d had them beaten out of him, both figuratively and literally, until it was like they barely existed. Loving people, worrying about them, meant pain; a kind far worse than any type of physical trauma. Theo could deal with being cut open and burned and electrocuted, but the emotional distress that came from caring? It was overwhelming.

 

Theo stared at Liam’s back, trying to figure out how to put what he felt into words, but he couldn’t manage it. He didn’t know how. He wanted to spill his guts, if only to get his mind to stop spinning, but he also didn’t want to leave himself vulnerable. Regardless, he knew Liam expected an answer.

 

“Maybe I’m just tired of perpetually fucking up,” he finally said.

 

Liam’s muscles twitched and he shifted slightly. His face was still obscured by the shadows that cloaked the room, but Theo could see his eyes glinting in the faint light coming through the window. The two stood in tense silence, before the beta broke and let out a long sigh. He wandered back over to the bed and sat down, pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes. Theo felt the strange desire to pull him into a hug, but thought better of it. Liam was more likely to punch him than reciprocate at this point. He weighed his next words carefully.

 

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked.

 

Liam looked at him, fingers partially covering his face. His gaze was hard and calculating, searching for a lack of sincerity in Theo’s expression. Theo knew he wouldn’t find anything; he had never felt more genuine in his whole life. Liam’s eyes stopped at Theo’s lips before skirting away.

 

“I don’t know what there is to talk about,” he said, gruffly. “I can’t even really remember the dream.”

 

The younger boy’s heart skipped on the lie and Theo had to supress the urge to roll his eyes.

 

“You know I can hear your heartbeat, right?” he said instead.

 

“I hate it when you do that.”

 

Theo chuckled.

 

“Sorry, force of habit,” he shrugged.

 

Liam glanced at him again, a little smirk playing on his lips. Well, at least he wasn’t angry. That was a start. Liam pulled at the leg of his sweatpants nervously.

 

“It was about Brett,” he said.

 

His voice was low and strained, like it was an effort to even get those few words out. The heady scent of remorse was rolling off him so strongly that Theo nearly covered his nose to stop it from making him ill.

 

“Liam,” he said, exasperated. “His death wasn’t on you.”

 

Theo tried his best to sound convincing, but he was aware that nothing he said would dissuade Liam from feeling guilty, regardless of whether or not he was to blame. The kid was stubborn when it came to accountability, a quality that most would have found admirable, but to Theo just seemed unnecessary.

 

“It wasn’t about that,” Liam said. “Or, well, it sort of was but…”

 

“But what?”

 

Liam drew in a shaky breath and tipped his head back towards the ceiling. Theo’s stomach turned when he realized he was fighting off a second round of tears.

 

“Back at Devenford, Brett and I had some issues,” Liam started. “We were kind of friends in the beginning, or at least I thought we were, but then he got really mean once I joined lacrosse. I don’t know if it was because I had such a short temper and he thought it was funny, or if it was a werewolf thing, but he made it his mission to make my life a living hell.”

 

Liam twisted his fists in the duvet.

 

“The year before I transferred to Beacon Hills, we had this big game that we lost because I couldn’t defend the net well enough. I had just switched my meds and I couldn’t concentrate because of how sleepy they made me. I must have let a dozen players get by me. Brett was pissed.”

 

A white-hot flash of protectiveness shot through Theo, dread unfurling in his gut as he watched Liam shiver at the memory. 

 

“He and a couple of the older players ambushed me after we got off the field,” Liam continued. “They dragged me to their car and knocked me out. I woke up trapped in a cage with the three of them blocking the entrance.”

 

Theo’s eyes lit up with understanding.

 

“He took you to the zoo,” he said.

 

Liam nodded.

 

“Brett said that as a captain it hurt to lose, and that because I was the reason for our failure, he was going to make me hurt too.”

 

The beta swallowed.

 

“They whipped lacrosse balls at me for at least ten minutes, and I couldn’t do anything except curl up on the ground and wait for it to stop. I got lost in the tunnels trying to get out afterwards. The bruises didn’t fade for three weeks.”

 

Silence enveloped the room again, but this time the air was coloured with bitterness instead of discomfort. The more Theo ran the story through his head, the angrier became at Brett. It must have shown on his face because Liam flinched when the chimera moved to look at him straight on. Theo stopped at that and softened his glare.

 

“And you seriously care that he’s dead?” he said, only half teasing. “I probably would have just left him.”

 

Liam’s expression twisted into something ugly.

 

“Yeah, well I’m not you. Thankfully,” he spat.

 

Theo hummed.

 

“Guess that depends on how you look at it.”

 

He paused, giving the boy beside him a once over. Liam was obviously rattled and as much as he was inclined to be an asshole about the situation, Theo didn’t want to make him feel worse. He didn’t know how to be gentle, or soothing, but he could try his best.

 

“So that was what made you lose control earlier,” he said, softly. “And what you were dreaming about just now.”

 

Liam made a small noise of affirmation.

 

“I know it’s stupid. I shouldn’t have picked that place. But it was almost like- I felt like I needed to go there, because he’s gone and-”

 

“You think like you deserve to feel bad about it,” Theo finished. “You were trying to punish yourself.”

 

Liam blinked up at him with large eyes, his lower lip caught between his teeth. Sometimes it was easy to forget that this little powerhouse, this hotheaded, loudmouthed, spitfire of a kid was just that; a kid. He was sixteen, and yet he had seen more bloodshed than most adults would in their entire lifetime. He should be doing homework and going to school dances, not being brutally beaten and hunted like a wild animal for crimes he didn’t commit. Theo knew what it was like to have a warped childhood, and he knew how messed up it could leave you. The chimera sighed.

 

“You don’t need to do that, Liam,” he said. “You really don’t. Take it from someone who knows murder, _you_ did not kill Brett. And like I said before, feeling guilty isn’t going to bring him back.”

 

“I don’t expect you to understand,” Liam said, quietly. “You don’t feel bad about anything.”

 

The comment stung more than Theo thought it would. He understood why Liam saw him like that; he’d never given him a reason to believe otherwise. Theo had torn him and his pack apart from the inside like a skilled psychopath. He had permanently fractured relationships, killed people, manipulated situations to fit his agenda, and he hadn’t apologized for it. He had felt justified, even.

 

But that had changed in hell. Being with his sister had awakened things in Theo that he’d locked away for a long time. Having his heart ripped out again and again and again, knowing that no one was coming for him, that nobody cared, made him realize just how many mistakes he had made and how many bridges he had burned. He didn’t have a family or a pack and it was his fault. Theo hadn’t known that he could still feel sadness until he had been completely alone and helpless. (But maybe he had always been that way).

 

Now, he felt bad almost constantly. Guilt wasn’t the only reason he felt low, that was mostly loneliness and hunger, but it was definitely a factor these days. His own nightmares kept him wallowing in self-hatred regularly, egged on all the more by recently resurfaced memories of his time with the Dread Doctors and his lack of a home. Theo knew he hadn’t vocalized this to Liam, or the rest of the McCall pack, but he doubted they’d believe him if he did. Still, it made him hot with shame to think that Liam thought he was totally heartless.

 

“I- I might not feel fantastic about everything I’ve done,” Theo admitted.

 

He felt that flush licking at his cheeks again. Liam glanced at him skeptically.

 

“You expect me to believe that,” Liam asked.

 

Theo huffed, thoroughly done with feeling flustered and annoyed.

 

“I don’t expect you to believe anything, Liam. I know that nothing that comes out of my mouth will ever seem truthful to you, or Scott, or Malia, or anyone else. But just- look. I deserve to feel guilty, okay? I do. You’re right. But _you_ don’t. You tried to save him and that’s more than most people would have done. So just stop beating yourself up over it, before I lose my shit and beat it out for you.”

 

Liam stared at him for a long moment, before – to Theo’s surprise – letting out a small laugh.

 

“You’re really terrible at making people feel better, you know that?” he said, a grin tugging at his lips.

 

Theo smirked in return.

 

“The Dread Doctors didn’t really do comfort, I don’t have a lot of practice. Plus, you’re also really fucking headstrong. You don’t make it easy.”

 

Liam snorted and shook his head. Theo rubbed his eyes and glanced at the clock on Liam’s side table. Its garish orange numbers read six thirty, which was far too early to be up, but also too late to justify going back to bed now that both boys were wide awake. Liam seemed to be going through the same line of thought.

 

“Well, I guess I might as well go make breakfast,” he said. “I think I can hear my dad moving downstairs already. You can go back to sleep if you want.”

 

Liam gestured towards the air mattress, raising an eyebrow when Theo yawned. The chimera waved him off.

 

“Nah, there’s no point. Trying to wrestle a half-awake werewolf kind of gets you worked up. Could I maybe use your shower, before I go, though?”

 

“Sure, I don’t see why not,” Liam said.

 

He walked over to his closet and sifted through it until he located a set of clean towels. He offered them to Theo, who took them with a nod and made his way to the bedroom door. Liam’s voice stopped him in his tracks before he got too far.

 

“Hey Theo?”

 

Theo glanced over his shoulder.

 

“Yeah?”

 

Liam played with his hands and looked up at him sheepishly.

 

“Thank-you,” he said.

 

Warmth pooled in the pit of Theo’s stomach as he caught the other boy’s gaze.

 

“No problem,” he said, before turning and walking towards the Dunbar’s bathroom.

 

It shouldn’t have felt like a big deal, it was a small and inconsequential thing to say, but it made Theo’s blood run like fire in his veins. And when he was greeted by toast and bacon after finally ambling downstairs, the warmth hooked its talons into him and stayed with him for the rest of the day.

 

 


End file.
